I have been thinking about this post for some time, wondering, if at all it is worthy of a post at all. But then I remember, none of my posts are probably worthy of a post, but it's my blog, so here I write...
There is a germinating thought in my mind, not yet blossomed, about who I am, what I am doing, why I am here, and where I am going; and maybe acknowledging the possibility that I am whoever I want to be, can do whatever I want to do, am here to spread this very message, and can go anywhere I want to go. Yet grounded I remain. Grounded in a delicious dance of contentment & restlessness. I know that all of my decisions brought me to this place that is called the present. Is it a present? It surely is. There are many things to smile about. Many.
Anyway.
I do think, as I trundle along throughout each day, about the amount of what I call 'gloss' out there. People, glossing over everything. People, lost, milling about with their glossy smiles, pretending that they're found. Perhaps they are blissfully unaware of the river of uncertainty that flows within. I wonder what their secret is.
Shop keeper "How are you today?"
Customer "Great! Thank you, how are you?"
LIES!
Yes, I hear you, you don't want to purge all your existential dilemmas to the shop keeper. Let's try something different.
Friend "Hey, are you ok?"
Friend "Yeah, bit flat, don't worry about me :)"
Bit better, but still LIES!
So I've been thinking about WHY. Why do we do this? Why can't we ever just say how we really feel? I really like this idea. Keeping it real. What is the problem with this:
Friend "Hey, are you ok?"
Friend "No, I'm not ok. I'm actually really miserable. For no reason. Last night I cried, and I cried harder when I realised that I didn't know what I was crying about"
YES!
Real emotion people! It's where it's at!
So anyway, given the opportunity to be freed of long term stable employment in mid this year (yes, it's an opportunity. That is how I choose to see it, not at the time of said unemployment, but now, yes. It's an opportunity), I began to think about what I would like to do for a job. And then it grew larger into what I would like to do for a career. And then it grew larger still into what I would do if given the opportunity to TOTALLY REINVENT MY LIFE.
What would I do?
WELL!!
I've always had dream, well maybe not always, but certainly lately, well, maybe not even lately, but certainly I've given this some thought over the last couple of weeks. days. Ok, today. Yes, today. One moment in fact.
The moment of this thought was precisely 5:58pm (I know this because I was in the car, running late to pick up my daughter from dance, and I happened to look at the car clock), but there's a little bit of backstory... be patient with me....
I've been listening to a lot of Lenny Kravitz lately. I tend to listen to music cyclically, and a lot of his lyrics are really speaking to me right now. But I recently read a post by this amazing woman, which confirmed my suspicion that I am limiting my musical experience far too much, and that I should switch to radio, and see what comes up! So I had just finished listening to 'Are you gonna go my way', and I switched to the radio... 2 songs later... 'Fly away', by Lenny came on (you can watch it on youtube here).
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!!! It must be a sign!!!!
So, I am immediately inspired to fly away. Sell everything. EVERYTHING. Buy plane tickets for myself, my hubby and my three darling cherubs, so that we may go and really see the world, gypsy style. No possessions - except one. One possession.
And here I arrive at the title of my post - the thought experiment. It was the topic of our dinner table discussion tonight at our humble abode... and very much inspired by 'fly away'... so I asked my family:
If I told you tonight that we were going on a plane first thing in the morning, and we were never coming back here. We are going to explore the world, see amazing places, meet amazing people, and do amazing things and we will not need anything that we have except open minds and open hearts BUT we can take one thing from this life, this house, these things that we prize so much that mean so little.... what would you take?
Benny: I would actually take my footy
Harry: The PS3. for sure.
Shannon: My phone. Or Grace (best friend)
Tom: Guitar
Yes, these answers all make perfect sense. Love it, a perfect representation of my people, my clan. I began to think about what I would take... my immediate response is PHONE! It's a camera, it's my music, it's my connection to other people....
But then I realise that by exploring the world untethered, and with open eyes, I would be able to photograph everything with my mind, and I would experience a wider range of music than I ever thought possible, and I would connect with other people that I would never have had the opportunity to connect with. So it kind of renders my iphone a bit mute. Perhaps my piano (remember, this is a thought experiment, I don't have to worry about logistics)... then I can share my music with others. Or perhaps my camera, so I can record everything... and the more I think about it, the more I realise that I wouldn't take a thing. I would go boldly in the direction of my choosing with only my open heart & mind to guide me...
YES.
So, now that that's decided... I'd better go and wash the dishes. (Just keeping it real).
xox